Greetings

Greetings. I’m Ash. I’ve been making sense of chaos through art, sarcasm, and shadows for as long as I can remember. Honorable mention to staring too long into mirrors. I’m thirty-six years old. I work in behavioral health — I’m a licensed practical nurse, chemical dependency counselor’s assistant, and occasional admin assistant. I’m a mother, artist, nurse, therapist, and, most importantly, a survivor. In just a couple of months, I’ll celebrate five years clean as a recovering opioid addict. Thirteen rehabs and a decade of self-inflicted trauma later, I clawed my way out of hell’s depths and began repairing the damage. It’s from these experiences — and many more past traumas, relationships, my career, my unwavering love for black, and everything in between — that this website and blog were born.

The Grimoire is my digital saga: the chaos I just described meets the cursor instead of the canvas. Expect gore, violence, emotional instability, horrific historical reenactments, and the profound gratitude one can only feel following multiple undeserved resurrections from the dead. This space (as I warned) is NOT a “safe” space; it’s a visceral one, complete with all of the harsh realities of human suffering at the hands of addiction. In other words — please do NOT let your children read my blog.

I’m writing because my story needs to be told. How many times have you felt the loneliness of life’s hardest choices, or the emptiness of abandonment? How many nights have you sat alone, questioning your existence, not understanding the injustice of a broken home, asking yourself again and again, “Why me?” How many times have you begged God to take away the pain — only to have that plea answered with more? How many times have you returned to therapy or rehab, hoping this time you’d “get it right”? How many times have you begged your children for forgiveness for things you know are unforgivable? If any of this hits home, then you know why I’m doing this.

Expect a range of topics here — including, but not limited to: art and art process; addiction and recovery; witchcraft and the occult; Goth culture; music; mental, emotional, and behavioral health — and much more. My tone shifts from raw to ridiculous to “should I call someone??” You have been warned.

Feel free to follow, like, comment, subscribe — all the things. I have only one rule, one rule only: Don’t Be A Dick. If the moderator finds you posting in an unbecoming manner, you will be unceremoniously told to fuck off. If you refuse, you will be banned, blocked, or forcefully removed from this platform. Use your words politely, folks. This may be a dark space, but there’s no enigma in rudeness. People really gotta get it together.

So, if you see yourself (or something else you like) in this compilation of madness, welcome to the dark! I hope you find what you’re looking for before it finds you. ;)